FEATURED IN LIFELINE TRAINING
Humans have been coexisting on this spinning orb anywhere from 6, 000 to 30,000 years. To avoid any arguments let’s split the difference and say we’ve been bipedal with a functioning frontal lobe for roughly 18,000. That’s 6,575,000 days. In my opinion, so far, we’ve been doing fine without anti-bullying laws.
I often cite a reality as I offer an opinion about a current event, so here it is: I’m an old guy. Born in the mid-1950s, oldest of nine and bred to get out of the house as soon as possible.
My first job was at the ripe old age of nine. I was a paperboy, er, I mean paperperson. Several days a week 47,000 papers would be dropped in my driveway at 5:00 a.m. Greg Murphy, my best friend, would come over and we would begin rolling and rubber-banding the local tabloids. Once that was done we’d throw them into carrier bags and a wagon. Then we’d attach the wagon to a bike and head down the street as fast as we could—in the dark, no lights, no reflectors, no helmets, no neon vests, no parents directing us—oh the humanity!
Once a month we’d have to collect subscription fees from adults. So we’d walk door-to-door, without parental guidance and deal with adults who often complained about our service or feigned poverty. Some were mean, some were liars, some were confrontational. We learned to deal with it.
Greg and I had a group of friends and we would play together outside every chance we got. We played baseball, basketball, football, kick the can, capture the flag, and tackle pom-pom and WAR! Because most of these games involved reckless abandon, sticks, rocks and physical contact we’d often get hurt and occasionally angry. Sometimes a fight would break out. We’d shove, punch, kick and call each other vile despicable names.
When engaged in such conflicts we’d focus on some physical oddity and use said irregularity to further demean our adversary. Names such as Buck-Tooth, Freckle-Face, Fat-Ass, Skinny, Horse-Face, Shit-for-Brains, Dumb-Ass, Midget, Dwarf, Daddy-Long-Legs, Cross-Eyed Ass, Frankenstein, Wolf-Man, etc., were regularly used to denigrate our very best of friends. Once the episodic rages subsided, we’d go back to playing, chasing, tackling and laughing.
No one went home to cry about being called names, the teachers weren’t involved. Cops were never a thought. In fact, getting an adult involved was the surest way to be permanently banned from the group.
But today many believe it is time for a change. We as a society must address the outbreak of rampant bullying (as well as 17-oz. sodas) before life as we know it disintegrates into nothingness.
Each of my friends bullied someone at some point in their lives. Each of my friends was bullied at some point in his life. And guess what? We all survived. In fact we did more than that. We thrived.
As for bullying friends and relatives, we began to learn when we crossed a line. How? Well, early on you got punched. That was usually an attention getter. Later we were able to recognize when we hurt someone we cared about. You read their body language and understood a change of tone or behavior.
Eventually you found out how to talk things through and actually tell a friend when they behaved inappropriately and affected you negatively. You also learned, through trial and error, the difference between being funny and being tactless, insensitive and just plain mean. Those that never learned grew up miserable and alone. The rest of us assimilated into adulthood and socially acceptable behavior.
For those of us who were bullied, we learned how to deal with adversaries. Sometimes that bullying was physical, which was scary, embarrassing, unsettling and confusing. But at some point it was dealt with. Often you would stand up to the bully, which in most cases settled the issue.
But sometimes you found it necessary to throw a punch and with that you learned how to fight and how to take a hit. Occasionally your allies and friends would step in as a group and deal with the situation—strength being in numbers. Rarely did we get the adults involved other than to ask advice on targeting: “A punch in the nose waters the eyes,” said my father.
This coping mechanism has been used throughout human history. Is it perfect? No. Does it work 100% of the time? Of course not. Is bullying bad? Of course it is. But should we have literal anti-bullying laws? No.
Now that may sound harsh, uncaring and cold. Maybe, but that isn’t my intention. My resistance is twofold.
One. This is another example of adults and The State stepping in, over-reacting and trying to regulate natural human behavior and manage everyone’s feelings and emotional states. Yes, there have been some fatal results from bullying, but does that mean we need to regulate the behaviors, words, looks and intentions of everyone in the country towards everyone else in the country?
What are we teaching kids who face adversity other than: someone else will ensure that you never feel bad and handle all of life’s obstacles for you? Don’t worry, it’s not your fault or your responsibility, someone else is responsible and someone else will fix it?
Growth (and this is basic psychology here) comes from working through fears, failures, losses and setbacks. The greatest artists, comedians, songwriters and authors succeed because of hardships and disasters they have experienced and endured. Why would we try to regulate that? It’s not fair in the long run. Insulating people from feeling bad is ultimately terrible for them physically, emotionally and even spiritually.